Passion

Life is a crazy weird trip. Sometimes you just have to step out and take a stand against something. For me, that something is apathy. I’ve been in complete warfare mode against it for as long as I can remember, within myself and people I come in contact with. People were created to be passionate creatures. My passion? Music.
A recent scientific study revealed that a sense of music and beat is inherent in everyone from birth onward. The study monitored the brains of 3-4 day old infants when exposed to a rock beat that was consistent. After a few times through listening to it, they began removing every fourth beat. When the infants’ brains registered this, they literally “twitched.” Music is inherent- separate from language or circumstances. For all those Darwin supporters out there, chew on this: the concept of steady beat is isolated to humans. Monkeys, lab rats, goldfish, dogs- none of them have it. Just thinking about it really encouraged me because of how unique we are as humans. Some scientists try and throw us into these boxes as a species and classify away the wonder we should have at God’s creation, for we are made in His image. I was just reading last night in Psalm 139, and verse 14 really caught my attention because of how much of my life I’ve spent dealing with insecurity:
“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.”
My sister Kara once told me “Tami, God does NOT make junk.” To this day, I can barely say that aloud without tearing up. For me, to say that is to state very clearly whom I belong to; the thought alone makes me tear up in sheer awe of the care that went into fashioning every part of me- even the parts I don’t like. Infinite love created every bit of who I am, and placed into me the one element that reaches into every human being at the deepest, most vulnerable levels: music.
It seems to be one element that can break through every wall that we as humans erect around our hearts in order to keep the rest of humanity out and prevent ourselves from the inevitable: pain. When I lived in the dorms, I’d have my music fairly loud and every once in awhile someone would pass my door and pause briefly to catch a few bars of whatever song happened to be playing. Some sighed, some quickened their pace, and still others popped their head in to give me an enthusiastic thumbs-up. People that I had never before had a connection with or had any reason to have a connection with were suddenly on a very personal level with me. It was almost as if my personal walls had never existed in the first place. THAT is the power of music. Or, rather, the power of God exhibited through music.
Certain songs catch me so completely unawares that I forget to breathe as I strain to capture every note, every nuance of the sound. Colors explode in my mind as emotions collide within my imagination and a mental picture forms. That image is what I will forever associate that piece of music with. Still other songs are too overwhelming for me to capture the mental picture right away and I’m forced to get out pastel and paper and draw as I listen to the song repeatedly until the image forms under my fingertips. I’m never satisfied until every possible color has been exhausted and I am often surprised by the picture revealed when I finally look down at what the music “looked like” to my mind, or, if you will, to my heart.
I am convinced that every individual has one particular instrument that pierces them to the core when played masterfully. We all have memories attached to music; favorite movies, a song played in a restaurant when hanging out with friends, a song sung at a wedding or a funeral, and the albums our parents listened to when we were growing up. I think the worst crime committed by the world of popular music is overplaying a song that tops the charts. Sure, the general populace enjoys it, but does that entitle it to copious amounts of airtime? The correct answer is no, by the way. All that is accomplished is that the “self-destruct” button on the tune is pushed. After that, the only song played should be “Taps.”
Tangents appear to be my specialty, but I’m sure by now the topic of this tome, “passion,” has been clearly portrayed by my unchecked enthusiasm toward the subject of music. I may shy away from politics, large groups of women, and onions, but when it comes to music, be prepared for the long haul. It’s all I can muster to shut myself up sometimes.
Recently I discovered something that I find very interesting about the way I view music. I went through a “punk” stage when I graduated from high school; loud music, dark clothing and the attitude to go with it. The volume on my iPod got turned louder and louder, and the earbuds were rarely further from my ears than the distance from my head to my backpack. It wasn’t that I was trying to prove anything to anyone. On the contrary, I was trying to hide from being noticed in the first place. I was just another punk kid with loud music. Voila! I got left alone.
Honestly, I’m extremely relived that I pretty much grew out of it. I faced my emotional issues, got help for my health issues and finally turned back to the only One who could heal my spiritual issues. There’s still that part of me that enjoys punk rock and at this point, I highly doubt I’ll ever stop wearing chucks, but we’ll see where I’m at ten years from now. What I love about the place I’m in right now is that I know where I stand with my Heavenly Father, regardless of whether or not my earthly one is on board with what I think He wants for my life. Knowing where I stand with (or should I say IN) the Father opens up a whole different lifestyle and manner of thinking for me. I am finally fine with being exactly who and what God made me, and I’m enjoying the sweetest, most intimate relationship with my Lord that I’ve ever had. All through His grace and mercy, too. The Lord knows I don’t deserve it. Another beautiful thing about this transformation is the new avenues of musical tastes, interests and opportunities that it has opened up for me. To be continued...